Monday, May 12, 2008

Part I, Chapter I, First draft

Part I
Chapter I

And so he’s dead, hmm?

Thought David, a 16 year old who just entered his sophomore year of high school. His aunt, the sister of his father was on the other end of phone. David held it in his hands albeit rather loosely. He felt numb. Not sad nor angry, just simply numb. Did that explain his bout of apathy? The lackluster thought he’d just had?

His aunt, now breaking down continued. “I’m sorry to tell you first David. I’d meant to get your mother or father - your father especially – but you picked up the phone and…. Oh my god your grandfather is dead…” Her voice trailed off, the stream of tears blocking any coherent thought.

“Auntie Judy,” David started. “I know, I know. I’ll get my dad for you, please just give me a moment.”

He put the phone down slowly, as if a sound would disrupt her. As he moved further away from the living room, he could still hear her wails of sorrow for her lost father. For this, he began to feel horrible. He began to understand what this would put his family through, and he had no choice but to inform the others.

He found his father in the back yard. He looked at his dad for a moment before calling for his attention.

“Hey, I just heard the phone ring. Who was it?”
“Auntie Judy,” he replied. “Dad it’s really important. Granddad - something happened.”

He watched the look on his father’s face. It went from it’s usual bright-eyed self to a look that epitomized worry and confusion.

They both hurried back silently to the phone where Judy had been waiting, all the while David was still in a state of detachment. He saw as his father picked up the phone, asked a few questions, and fell into the same distress as his sister.

He kept watching and watching, wondering why he could not do more. Why he couldn’t feel anything. But then, it happened. The corners of his vision started to blacken. The darkness ate away at the light until the only thing he could see was what fell within a circle. He began to blink in an futile attempt to fix whatever has happening but it didn’t work. Next everything around him started to break down. He could not see what should have been around him – instead the image that replaced it was quite mesmerizing. It was of what looked to be a stream of luminous treads. The treads were just floating in front of him, moving like wavelengths on a chart. He then simply forgot about everything. He forgot about his grandfather, his dad, even his almost apathetic behavior towards the horrible news. All that mattered now were the thread-like objects here. So close he could almost touch them. So close in fact that….
The jerk came suddenly, harsh and unforgiving. Reality came swirling back into view, giving him whiplash in the process. His breathing became shot, coming in at uneven paces and he felt frantic.

“Hey, hey David. Get up! Get up!”

He was hearing his father’s voice, faint like a whisper. As he inched closer and closer to proper consciousness, he found himself on the floor with his father kneeling over him.

“Look, I know today has been very stressful and all.” His father looked at him, desperately trying to keep himself calm for what he thought to be the sake of his son. “ Go to bed. I’ll take care of very thing else and wait for you mom to get home.”

He then helped David up and helped him to his room. After his father had left the room with one more worried glance, David began to ponder.

What was that? He asked himself. That – whatever it was – has never happened before. Maybe that's why I didn’t feel anything about the news of his death. Maybe it took its toll on me mentally…

He laid back on his bed, eyes struck on the ceiling. He really did not like this, any of it. But somehow he could not get that feeling out of his head. The feeling that he had a fleeting glimpse of something more. Something that had to be explained.

For some time he went on like this, flipping the day’s event over and over in his mind. As sleep finally drew closer, he fell into it with one thought and one thought only:

I’m going to find out what it was. No matter what.

1 comment:

Lexie said...

Love the first chapter! it just has you waiting for more. i only have one suggestion and that was to be a bit more clear on your first few sentences. especially the first one. Besides that i like it. Keep it up!